This Kenopsia

चांदनी रात मे बरसात बुरी लगती है
दिल मे हो दर्द तो हर बात बुरी लगती है

– एक कबाडी एक पेग दारु के बाद

You are a human being. You have desires, stories and feelings. And you have a lot of time. What you can accept, you accept. And then you walk ahead leaving behind what can never be undone. But once in a while your unchangeable past gives you a pat on your back. You turn around and in your past you see a part of yourself that now seems forgotten. What once used to be your identity now stands in front of you as a wholly different being. That old you feels alone and waits for you to carry him along. You stare at him. And both your past and present breathe in the air of change that exists between them. You wish this change that has separated both of you hadn’t ever occurred. Some things can never be undone no matter how much time we devote.

Since the past few weeks there is a sense of emptiness that has covered my heart that once used to beat in sadness. There is this constant nostalgic feeling that blankets my mouth and I remain silent. I merely observe. What is happening is not under my conscious control. Maybe this is my calling into the unknown world of my dreams. Maybe it is the beginning of a deep change. Or maybe the change has begun to spread its roots in my soul. The soul that once was alone, now that same soul is experiencing solitude.

The only thing that can actually last is our values. What you value is what you follow. No matter how many accomplishments mark their footprints in the journey of my life, my core values keep on guiding me to walk. And walk some more.

There was a time when that past of yours haunted you. Now that it faces you, what shall you do? Be fearful of it or give it a hug and walk along? I choose the latter. And life progresses from here. When being progressive is peaceful to a lost human being, he need not care about being happy. And my past and present selves walk together. And we walk some more.


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